BAE HAS NOT CHANGED
It started out on a rather exciting note.
Your sweetheart seemed to be the only person in your life. You just couldn’t wait for the lecture to end to give “bae” a call. You were almost always on the phone talking about anything and everything. Two years down the line, the excitement seems to have died down. Gone are the days when you felt the tingles strike anytime you saw each other. You see other people’s “seemingly blossoming” relationships and you wonder what went wrong with yours. “I think I’m with the wrong person”, you say to yourself, and yet you can’t really point a finger at any major issue. The love is still existent, but truly, “bae’ has changed.
Before you consider giving up on this special person, allow me to sink it in: “Bae” has not changed.
There are two (2) stages in every boy-girl relationship: the EUPHORIC stage, and the INTENTIONAL stage.
In the EUPHORIC stage, which is the initial stage of the relationship, little effort is required to keep the love alive. You’re in a state of ecstasy. You freely do things for each other without giving thought to cost or sacrifice. The person you love seems to be perfect (at least to you), and you tend to overlook certain imperfections without notice. You seldom have misunderstandings, and you will go the lengths to make this person happy.
This stage, rhapsodic as it is, has an average lifespan of 2 years. God, in his wisdom, made it this way lest we accomplish absolutely nothing in the name of ‘being in love’. A typical student in the euphoric state wouldn’t give a whim about impending exams, because “Bae needs my attention “. wink
The second stage, which is the intentional stage, requires much more effort to keep the relationship going. Here, the reality of love by choice hits you, and you consciously have to decide to make the journey exciting, lest you lose that wonderful person to trivial issues.
Here are a few tips to guide you.
- Keep communication lines active. Loves grows cold as communication dies down. There may be times you wouldn’t feel like talking to each other, but try as much as possible to call or text regularly. Certain times, you may actually have to plan what to talk about.
- Be deliberate about things. Unlike the euphoric stage where things were spontaneous, this stage needs much more planning and deliberate attempts to make things happen. The warm, bubbly, tingly feelings may have reduced. You have to be intentional about visiting each other, hanging out and saying “I love you” every now and then. Do this, or face the consequences of turning into siblings rather than lovers!
- Break the monotony. Variety is the spice of life. Don’t be too predictable. When your “Good morning” text pops up, I bet the rest of the conversation flows like this You: Did you sleep well? Bae: Yeah, I did. The formular must change! “Hi boo, I woke up feeling blessed this morning because I thought of you and I realised how good God has been to me by giving me someone like you. Just saying good morning. I sure hope you slept well” Receiving a text like this on a seemingly monotonous morning, will be a great boost to kickstart your day! The caution here is not to abuse it, lest it loses its touch.
- Know and apply each other’s love language. By nature, we tend to grow up speaking a language and a dialect we best understand, or were brought up with. True love works the same way. Everyone has a primary love language. Whatever makes us feel loved is what we do for the other person, but if it’s not their love language, it may not mean to them as much as it means to us.
There are 5 love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving gifts, Quality time and Physical Touch. You may put effort into buying stuff for your sweetheart just because you like receiving gifts. The feedback may not be what you expect, and you may think the person is being ungrateful. Quality time might be his/ her love language. Put your phone away and give the undivided attention so much sought after, and watch the wonders it will do for your relationship.
So you see, your relationship may have gotten to this stage even without knowing. Do you now understand me when I say ‘Bae’ hasn’t changed?” You’ve only grown out of the euphoric stage.
Before you plan on breaking up, take time to apply these tips. You will see a massive improvement.
Most importantly, don’t forget that principles work, but God makes the difference. “A threefold cord (God+you+bae) is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
Reference
Gary Chapman in “Things I wished I knew before I married”
